What if Ebenezer Scrooge had Heat Vision? What if Santa could turn into a stinkbug? What if Adam Sandler was more violent? We answer these questions and more as we imagine our favorite Holiday movies if the characters had super powers.

The podcast’s not over, I’m just not going to be proactive in organizing it anymore. Feel free to send episodes to Fancybat.empowered@gmail.com

In which we talk about Moo Mesa, Chicken Nuggets, and Clown Eggs.

In which we talk about Ben’s sex life… and that’s it.

In which we talk about Internet Stuff, The Unabomber, and Red Bull.

In which we talk about old shows, cool drugs, and The Aggro Crag.

In which we explain how new people acclimate, how the wiki is laid out, and how children are the worst.

In which we dox ourselves again, discuss homeownership, and the deaths of philosophers.

Vibration Whip Generation: Whip it! Buzz it! Generate it!

Wood Defense: Good against everything except Chainsaw Offense.

Golf Mastery: You’re the best at the Country Club and with the Country Club.

Supernatural Breath Inducement: I asked for the supernatural breathy news, not the… wait this feels familiar.

Prehensile Mouth: I asked for the horrifying fully autonomous news, not the horrifying fully autonomous weather.

Guitar Flight: Come Fly With Me (to the house from Home Alone)

Mining Vehicle Mimicry: Who mines the miners?

Vacuum Vision: They won’t even… SEE it coming!

Enhanced Disassembly: Break it down!

Overclocking: Do more with less, followed immediately by doing less with more.

Enhanced Wisdom: I have more questions than answers, and that’s the point.

Medical Torture Mastery: Do not use Medical Torture Mastery for anything other than its intended - and beneficial - use.