Zane had been looking for Ben for months. Turns out, finding him wasn’t the hard part, the real problem began when he had to extract him from a cult of personality based around “solving the mysteries of the universe.” Thankfully, their leader was very easily distracted. But the Cartoncasters still don’t know how he summoned a ghost. Or why.
Na Zdorovie, Comrade. Join local Eggsmith Tzain and Groom of the Stool Daniil Cavernovsky as they regale you with tale from better days. It is story of lovable fool Vinni-Pukh and he fails to live up to ideals of glorious Union by imposing on edible friends. But do not approach bear in nature, he is not usually so playful.
With Ben still out undergoing his 5th resurrection, our resident Timelord Phil returns to guide us through another one of The Doctor’s adventures. This one is a take on the classic Area 51 tropes, which it plays straight, subverts, reverts, and eventually abandons in favor of a flying brain scorpion.
We’re all familiar with Garfield. But did you know he’s lived a double life? And it’s actually nine lives?! That’s right, Garfield the Cat is but one in a line of cats with strange and sometimes nonsensical stories. Thankfully, God isn’t the only one with too much omniscient information and a booming voice - If anybody knows more obscure trivia, it’s Josh.
It was the early 2000’s. Children’s programming was a lawless expanse of deeply weird and traumatizing concepts. And some genius thought, hell yeah why doesn’t Lego make a movie? With a classic plot, accessible Lego-like visuals, and a lore that is too vast for us to get into right now, Bionicle: Mask of Light is the best way for the general population to see if they’re ready for Bionicle. Join Alex, Bionicle Madman, as we take a look.
Whew, another year come and gone. Or should I say Gon? We did a lot of unusual episodes, a lot of dunking on DK and Firebreather, and a fair bit of self-reflection on the nature of fatherhood. But who cares about all that, we got some great categories and some fierce competition for the top spots. Look forward to the 7th Cartony Awards Remake in like 23 years.
Conspiracy Theory
Biggest Ship the Show Didn’t Do
Most Charismatic Villain
Most Visceral Reaction
Who Wins in a Fight
Biggest “Huh?” in Worldbuilding
These Are Some Nazis
Best Intro
Best Cartoon to Turn into a Video Game
Least Notetaking required
Most interesting Sex-topic
Best Episode
Most Charismatic Villain (Actual)
Best Bonus Episode
Listen Senpai, Ben and Zane are willing to deal with as many weird, dramatic, sexual antics as it takes, but we draw the line at trying to figure out if those antics are sincere or a complete facade. Do you really love The Cartoncast? Do you even know? Are the bananas sexual imagery or are they a relic of slapstick? Stop playing with our hearts, Senpai!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled episode intro to bring you me giving my absolute minimum effort because the 2nd covid shot knocked the gumption right out of me.
Thanks to the inimitable Nic for coming on the show! You can find his work at What’s With You, Scooby Doo.
Firebreather is a film with a unique visual flair, a well-trod coming-of-age plot, and a number of bizarre choices that led us to a mixture of amusement and bemusement. You wouldn’t expect a straight-to-TV movie to go through too many drafts, but the sheer number of strange choices make for a movie that alternately bored us and gave us whiplash. Oh well, at least we always have dodgeball.
Ben and Zane had regressed to the age of children (moreso than normal) and they needed to be kept entertained. After playing violent video games and loading up on sugar, the Cartoncasters couldn’t be kept safely in this world. No, they were instead sent to a magical world of reptilian babysitters, draggin’ them around on adventures. It kept their short attention spans occupied, and they didn’t cause too much damage to the local ecology. But they didn’t really learn anything either.
Flash Player had a good long run, and plenty of people are saying good riddance. But we’ve got a duty as cartoon podcasters to honor our fallen forefather for his years of, if not quality, at least dedicated service. Here’s to you, Flash Player. Let’s hope no one ever mentions badger badger ever again.
Ooof, ouch. What a crick in the neck. Still, that nap left the Cartoncasters feeling pretty refreshed. How long were we out? What? 4000 years? Oh jeez, it looks like all of civilization passed Ben and Zane by. They’ll have to use their grit and gumption to recreate everything mankind has ever used, starting with the top priorities of side-slit dresses and grain alcohol. Get Excited.
Ben and Zane were tired of their dark, gritty, realistic night-jobs of fighting crime in Gotham. So they hung up the cape and the cowl, poured a glass of something non-alcoholic (“It’s 1:30, I’m not getting fucked up on a Wednesday!”), and watched as the city decayed into a wretched den of debauchery and mayhem. Honestly, the place looks a lot better now.
In 2021, Ben and Zane watch a movie from 2020 that feels extremely 2019. A movie that was surprisingly good despite its formula, its pedigree, and its development, but which could have been far better if it had stripped away some of its family-friendly trappings and leaned into its strongest aspects. But it’s a fine movie for the whole family - which, at Olive Garden, is everybody.
Ben and Zane were chilling in different dimensions (Ben in the audio-slapstick dimension, Zane in the melty-cake-face one) when a combination of magic, high-tech, and a complete disregard for aesthetics threw them into a single room. Now that they’re recording from the same place, they can do shorter, more concentrated episodes - an hour of power, if you will.
The Cartoncasters were ready for Calvin & Hobbes style imagination zones. They were ready for canned 80’s sitcom laugh lines. They were even ready for flagrant Minnesota accents. But when they showed up to meet Bobby, they realized that Howie Mandell was just a step too far over the line. Never again, folks.
Alas, Ben and Zane were without their handy dictionary, but the Cartoncasters had to foil the dastardly Joshua in his mad question to drench downtown in Sonic memorabilia (“memorabilia” are objects meant to evoke a specific memory). Without the right words to describe the scene, they had to watch impotently as this new villain desecrated fair Cartontopia (“desecrate” means to spoil or worsen something). Thankfully, Wordgirl managed to show him the error of his ways. She also showed him a monkey.
Let’s face it. Ben and Zane had been around the block a few times. There’s almost nothing they haven’t seen. But Alex wouldn’t take no for an answer; he assured the cartoncasters that there was some shit in the sewer they just had to check out. Turns out there’s a computer that transmits your true selves, your very souls, into a digital world where anyone inside can see who you really are. Ben and Zane politely declined - they already had a podcast.
Hello Internet. Yes, yes you there, sitting there in your gamer chair, sipping some sort of malted beverage. I am Killface. I’m intercepting your standard banal affair to tell you of your impending doom. Because I have invented my spin-off killing machine, the Annihilatrix 2.0, and it will… hmm? Yes? It’s been cancelled? By who? The network? Those charlatans! I’m going to go right there and… um, well, I’ll scuff them around. I’m trying to run an empire here!
