Horror has a fairly narrow relationship with cartoons. Scooby doo paved the way for others to tip their toes in, and Courage the Cowardly Dog angled toward an absurdist bent where horror and comedy meet. Unfortunately, not even these two titans of the genre can withstand the Curse of the Direct to Video Movie.
Thanks to Dan Caves of The Cocktail Party Congress and Nic Robes of What’s With You Scooby Doo for coming on the show!
Links of note:
Flash Player had a good long run, and plenty of people are saying good riddance. But we’ve got a duty as cartoon podcasters to honor our fallen forefather for his years of, if not quality, at least dedicated service. Here’s to you, Flash Player. Let’s hope no one ever mentions badger badger ever again.
The Cartoncasters were ready for Calvin & Hobbes style imagination zones. They were ready for canned 80’s sitcom laugh lines. They were even ready for flagrant Minnesota accents. But when they showed up to meet Bobby, they realized that Howie Mandell was just a step too far over the line. Never again, folks.
Let’s face it. Ben and Zane had been around the block a few times. There’s almost nothing they haven’t seen. But Alex wouldn’t take no for an answer; he assured the cartoncasters that there was some shit in the sewer they just had to check out. Turns out there’s a computer that transmits your true selves, your very souls, into a digital world where anyone inside can see who you really are. Ben and Zane politely declined - they already had a podcast.
Hello Internet. Yes, yes you there, sitting there in your gamer chair, sipping some sort of malted beverage. I am Killface. I’m intercepting your standard banal affair to tell you of your impending doom. Because I have invented my spin-off killing machine, the Annihilatrix 2.0, and it will… hmm? Yes? It’s been cancelled? By who? The network? Those charlatans! I’m going to go right there and… um, well, I’ll scuff them around. I’m trying to run an empire here!
That old Rapscallion Damn Graves hosted this year’s halloween party in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas. The masks were spooky, apples were being bobbed - everyone seemed to be having a great time except for a curious pink dog in the corner who screamed with fear at every guest coming in the front door. But there was nothing to worry about, after all - they were just costumes, right? …Right?
When Gene Starwind (yes, that Gene Starwind) offered the Cartoncasters an opportunity to travel in his spaceship, they jumped at the chance. They just had to make sure to follow the rules in order to get to the Galactic Leyline. What’s that? Just a space treasure sought after by the Ctarl Ctarl empire. Who? Oh they’re just lycanthropic fanservice elementals, not unlike the secret order of assassins… Needless to say, Ben and Zane opted out and just went to hang with Fred Luo instead.
Settle down, Weebs, we didn’t do a full normal breakdown and analysis of the behemoth that is Hunter x Hunter (pronounced “Hunter Hunter” for reasons we couldn’t begin to get into). Instead we offer you a stream of consciousness regarding Ben’s recent watch-through (and Zane’s vague memories) of the apotheosis of Shonen anime.
Ahh, the exalted Cartony awards. The envy of every cartoon-related self-aggrandizing navel-gazing podcaster for miles around. An opportunity to purge the bitter bile from our minds, to start another year with a clean slate by acknowledging the worst, best, and hairy chest of the past year. So take a load off, reminisce about why these cartoons am so horny, and try not to fall prey to the wandering kunai with chain.
Ben and Zane were on the beat again, following up on a lead about a teenage girl who was a little more… chrome than most. They met Jenny, a new kind of robot with more different attachments and extensions than could possibly fit. Her abilities were impressive, but unfortunately her development ran out of funding before they could install that ‘interesting dueteragonist’ upgrade.
Ben and Zane were in a bind. They had to raise a lot of money to fix their microphone’s audio quality, which for some reason kept getting translated into a brooklyn accent. But the only jobs available were all related to an obscure card game with really flimsy rules and blatantly injected melodrama. It was only by wearing ridiculously stiff costumes that they were able to get the creator to listen to their plight. It sure was lucky that he had such an investment in children’s cartoons. This must be what they call the heart of the cartoons, kaiba-boy.
Ben and Zane mixed up their plane tickets and went to the fictional Dakota instead of the real one. There they met a superhero with lightning powers. Initially the Cartoncasters were beside themselves with fanboyism - they’d heard of Static’s exploits for a long time. But as time went on, the superhero descended into speaking in 90’s hip-hop slang and manifested crushing self-doubt. The Cartoncasters didn’t have the heart to tell him that they preferred Soul Power.
It was only a matter of time. The Cartoncasters could put off the inevitable no longer. Dan Caves of The Cocktail Party Congress was finally able to pin down the cartoonologist duo to discuss a favorite of his, a little known (but lotly loved) series known as Inside Out Word Pages. The task was a daunting one, but with the help of Dan Caves, a pocket thesaurus, and the steady guiding hand of Anubo, they were able to avoid being judged.
Ben and Zane were surveying Midland’s military campaign from the front lines. On order from Guts himself, Ulysses was given the task of teaching them what was going on and how to not get themselves killed. It turns out, the whole of the war effort against Chudor could be summed up in three simple points. One - Always keep your sword clean, and make sure it’s at least as big as you are. Two - if you have dreams, leave them behind - the battlefield is a place of harsh reality. Three - Enya.
Thanks to Ulysses for coming back on the show to discuss the massively influential 1997 anime adaptation of Berserk. Content warning: it is Berserk.
Welcome to Frank, the horrifying existential crisis/feel-good buddy story/personal fitness list of don’ts. Osmosis Jones is two movies of different tones and levels of quality stapled together to take advantage of late-90’s-era stars and tropes in a way that actually kind of works. Join the Cartoncast as we watch the movie and immediately sign up for a gym membership and brush our teeth.
Ben and Zane were over their heads. While in the midst of an innocent-looking carnival ride, they wound up in downtown Manhattan (a totally magical realm). Luckily, a magical being of immense power, a dungeon master (some call him Tim) knew the ropes of this magical world, and was willing to share his wisdom with them. The Cartoncasters had no idea what they were getting into.
Note: Tim’s connectivity was an issue during the episode, so the audio quality is inconsistent. We apologize for the difficulty any listeners may experience.
Note II - The Revenge: This episode is broken into two parts: reminiscing about dnd, and talking about the show. We spend the first 40 minutes reminiscing, so go to 41:06 for our discussion of the show.
As the longitudinal study wrapped up, Ben and Zane looked proudly upon their work. Three years watching how teenagers develop when they are carefully kept away from any wacky nonsense, it had shown that even teens are capable of weighing complex situations, developing loyalty, and growing over time into young adults that anyone could be proud of. The control group…eh, not so much, but one of them turned telekinetic, that’s gotta count for something, right?
Ben and Zane were rifling through ye olde felt shoppe (it’s a holiday tradition), when a wayward Gary showed them something they had overlooked. In the bargain bin were some adorable yet soulless plush darlings. They didn’t look like much, but Gary picked one up and squeezed it. It uttered, in a nasally, poorly filtered voice, “Por favor, não me aperte”. The Cartoncasters were sold. Don’t bother wrapping these up, we’re wearing them home.
Thanks to Gary Butterfield, podcaster extraordinaire from Duckfeed.tv , for infecting us with a love for these somber little dopes.
There’s just no experience that compares to roughing it in the woods - campfires, fishing, the clean air of the great outdoors. Needless to say, Ben and Zane were delirious from hunger and fear almost immediately. Thankfully a very well-spoken and, dare I say, handsome slab of man rescued them from their plight and helped the two get back toward civilization. Granted, it wasn’t the right civilization, but come on, they all look the same after a while.
Damn Graves comes by the Cartoncast once again to look at one of the most over-the-top adaptations of the classic Divine Comedy. Is it fun? Hell yes! Is it sinful? Heavens no! Does it stay true to the source material? Eh, kinda. This movie based on a game based on a poem based on theology goes down smooth if you just want a cool action flick, and holds up to actual analysis for you brainy types. Just don’t ask too many questions - questions are the Devil’s spices!
