Ben and Zane have had it up to here with Jerry. He’s constantly kidnapping them, using brainwashing or amnesia rays, and putting them in catsuits. And now he’s tried to introduce three young women to the Cartoncasters as if that makes up for it. He licked his lips and sweated as he assured them that the girls were all over 18. Regardless, they were too boring to even interact with, let alone try to objectify. Looks like we’ll have to put out a job opening for a new English butler.

Things were not going well in the computer that houses The Cartoncast. Ben and Zane, you see, are dumbasses. Wikipedia was down. TvTropes was down. Their dictionary had long been destroyed because “it just had bad vibes man, y’know?” And so in desperation, they called upon the last bastions of knowledge. They asked the StoryBots: “Where buy snowcones?”

Ben and Zane - and stay with me here guys - were doing a Jesus. I mean, sure, they weren’t coming back to life or healing the sick, but they did carry around that cross for that nice priest and his weird, hungry friend. They also got into some trouble with the law and were repenting for some sinning they did in the last town over. The Cartoncasters weren’t really focused on the big-picture stuff, though, or even on the shootouts that kept happening every other day. They were too busy submitting the proper forms and playing some slick air guitars for that.

Egads! A gigantic monster is destroying the city! Thankfully, Ben and Zane have a direct line to the Powerpuff Girls, after an unrelated adventure where they both became the mayor. A quick call was all it would take. However, first they had to wait and listen about Bubbles’ new self-esteem issue, and the Professor’s new gadget, and a talking dog they found that’s probably evil, and on and on and on. They didn’t mind, it was all very entertaining and snappy, but, you know… the town was destroyed.

Happy… Easter? Yeah, this is another ostensibly Holiday movie, but really it’s an Avengers-style story of a team of superpowered mythological beings that unfortunately had to compete with the actual Avengers. These Guardians guard children’s dreams, hopes, and teeth against the literal Bogeyman with some impressive flair. Unfortunately this rabbit laid a big goose egg, but inside that egg was a fine movie.

When the boss calls in an action hero for one last mission, there’s no way he can turn them down. But what if that hero has no idea that the mission exists, and falls into a few other missions along the way? Dirkman Pitstain doesn’t know, and he sure isn’t going to find out. Unlike avocados (sp?), there’s no bad time to enjoy his festivities.

For a guy who can travel the world in one night, Santa sure doesn’t know how to pace a movie. But like all of his traits, it’s endearingly innocent in a world that is working overtime to make sure that he’s protected from it. Check out this good boy and his annoying friends develop the Santa Mythos. Also a 90-second war.

Ben and Zane felt like something was off. They had a weird sense of Deja Vu, and their hands were real sweaty every time they picked up mice. Brie, the Cartoncast’s Fairy Godmother, revealed to them that time had been turned back, and they would have to re-watch Cinderella if they wanted to get out of it alive. It was good. Not great, but fun. And now they could get back to what’s really important: catching mice and training them to dress up and sing.

It was that time of year again, when the world was focused on Men’s Figure Skating. It was a hot and steamy competition so far, with everyone stimulated by the athletes, who themselves were clearly aroused by the competition. Ben and Zane did their best to keep score, but with only the barest knowledge of skating, they were reduced to the “hot or not” scale. They gave mediocre scores overall, especially since much of the routines were censored for the “family values” crowd. A winner was chosen by a surprisingly generous Russian judge.

All was not well in the Cartonland. Ben and Zane couldn’t quite put their fingers on it - literally. Their fingers were gone, along with their clothes and a lot of their finer details. The world moved along at a choppy place, they could scarcely hold onto their own shapes, and they could feel their eyes bend. While in this state, they could barely leave their rooms - which turned out to be fine, because their rooms had the raddest stuff imaginable: marbles, mirrors, rolling pins, gears, and gum.

Ben and Zane dropped the ball yet again. Instead of watching a show, they accidentally watched a fan dub of some show from Uruguay. What’s it about? Hard to say. There’s definitely explosions and feral cats, but beyond that it’s uncertain. The Cartoncasters decided that instead of talking about it, they would instead riff on Power Rangers, a bold step forward in merchandising unrelated media.

Ben and Zane were having a hell of a time with a missing person’s case. Since Fillmore was off the case (he was a loose cannon who played by his own rules), they brought on the guy who connected them in the first place, Josh. As they looked for the child, whose description was remarkably similar to that of a speak-and-spell, they got a little sidetracked by a series of 80’s nostalgia. They didn’t come to any strong conclusions about what happened, but at least nobody missed the kid anyway.